Archive for the ‘On A Serious Note’ Category

The Original and Almighty YOLO-er

March 7, 2013

Can I get an Amen?

Image

You laugh because it’s true.

Swine Flu Paranoia

October 1, 2009

Don’t forget your swine flu shots this season!

swine flu paranoia

The Results Are In!!

November 6, 2008

Yes Obama won…obviously. I think the New Black Panther movement may have helped some PA voters at the polls make up their mind that night.

But nonetheless, the real shocker of the election was not that a black man finally overcame “the man” to capture the presidency, but rather 509 of you geniuses voted for the Phillies to be president. Dollar Dog Night = national holiday for sure!!

Phillies President

Is the "Boss" referring to Springsteen? Weill...it might!

Story courtesy of CNN Election Center 2008.

National October Awareness Month.

October 15, 2008

 

October. Duh.

This month is “National October Awareness Month.”  We are celebrating over two thousand years of Octobers.  It comes as one of the longer Months for 31 days out of 365.  Yes, to you month with two Os, to you we become aware.  Autumn would never continue without October.  Thank God we have October because without it, we would be left with 11 months, that’d be a bitch!

Without October, these months: Adopt a Shelter Dog Month, Antidepressant Death Awareness Month, (World) Blindness Awareness Month, Celiac Disease Awareness Month, Celebrate the Bilingual Child Month, Children’s Magazine Month, Christmas Seal Campaign Month, Church Library Month, Church Safety and Security Month, Class Reunion Month, Co-op Month, Domestic Violence Month, Dyslexia Month, Eat Better & Eat Together Month, Emotional Intelligence Month, Emotional Wellness Month, Energy Management is a Family Affair-Improve Your Home Month (long one), Gay & Lesbian History Month, German-American Heritage Month, Global Diversity Awareness Month, Go Hog Wild – Eat Country Ham Month, Halloween Safety Month, Head Start Awareness Month, Health Literacy Month, International Starman Month, International Strategic Planning Month, Long Term Care Planning Month, Lupus Awareness Month, Month of Free Thought Month, National Animal Safety and Protection Month, National Bake and Decorate Month, National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, National Caramel Month, National Chili, National Chiropractic, National Crime Prevention, National Cyber Security Awareness, National Dental Hygiene Month, National Depression Education & Awareness Month, National Disability Employment Awareness Month, National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, National Down Syndrome Month, National Ergonomics Month, National Family Sexuality Education Month, National “Gain the Inside Advantage” Month, National Go On A Field Trip Month, National Kitchen & Bath Month, National Liver Awareness Month, National Medical Librarian Month, National Orthodontic Health Month, National Physical Therapy Month, National Popcorn Poppin’ Month, National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, National Reading Group Month, National Roller Skating Month, National RSV Awareness Month, National Sarcastic Awareness Month, National Spina Bifida Awareness Month, National Window Covering Safety Month, National Work and Family Month, National Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Awareness Month, Organize Your Medical Information Month, Photographer Appreciation Month, Polish American Heritage Month, Positive Attitude Month, Raptor Month, Rett Syndrome Awareness Month, Right Brainers Rule! Month, Self-Promotion Month, Spinach Lovers Month, Squirrel Awareness Month, Stamp Collecting Month, Talk About Prescriptions Month, Vegetarian Month, Wishbones for Pets Month, Women’s Small Business Month, and Workplace Politics Awareness (http://www.brownielocks.com/october.html) would not be months!

October, being a lot of things: A vegetarian ham health better eating caramel sticking to my teeth dental hygiene awareness month or a self-promoting down syndrome gaining the inside advantage month, we can all agree that we all need to be aware of you because without you, where would my “High School Musical 2008” or my “Topless National Breast Cancer Awareness” flip calendar be?  And we want to enrich your awareness of October in October because October is worthwhile and original according to October.  No we are not trying to persuade your views about the other Months by declaring October as National October Awareness Month; we just want to draw attention to the issue.

Without your mischief night and Hollow’s Eve I would not be scared of the neighborhood adolescents or the next door pedophile that puts razor blades in my kid’s candy apple.  Thank You, National October Awareness Month, because without you I would not be aware of October!

In the fine words of Dane Cook about baseball, “There is Only One October!”

Happy Mother’s Day!

May 10, 2008

Remember, Mom knows best :)

Get over here!

The Daylight Savings Time Warp

March 5, 2008

You know it’s coming and there’s no way to avoid it.

This weekend it’s time to…
LOSE AN HOUR OF SLEEP!

daylight savings time

I am so excited (sense the sarcasm). You know why? Well, I’ll tell you why…

There was a recent study I read about the fact that Daylight Savings Time is actually costing consumers more money. That’s right, it’s certainly not saving your pocketbook baby. In fact, it costs the average consumer an extra $3.19 in utility bills per year to be exact.

Did he just say $3.19?

Yes, I did numbnuts. I know it’s not that much, but GD-it, it’s principal we’re dealing with here! Is it not the purpose of Daylight Savings Time to save daylight and thus save energy in the meantime? You’d think so, but apparently it’s not.

According to the study (which was conducted in Indiana) it calculated that the shift costs that state alone an extra $8.6 MILLION in electricity bills. Looks like that little $3.19 isn’t so innocent sounding after all is it? And this is just in Indiana for cryin’ out loud. Think about it on a grand scale and that’s a lot o’ energy being expended. Maybe Chavez is on to something here.

Hugo Chavez
“…and if we attack Columbia by 0700 hours, we’ll even save a few minutes more!”

But, this isn’t the first time the logic of Daylight Saving Time has been criticized. The National Bureau of Standards found that there was no significant energy savings way back in 1976; three years after DST went into effect for the first time.

And, this country’s grand idea of expanding DST to a few extra weeks was also revealed to have saved no energy whatsoever. So just what exactly are we saving then??

Read more here.

vertigoYeah, this is kinda like what the whole DST thing does to our sense of reasoning.

Hyper-Segregation

February 11, 2008

This “pent-up energy” is the result of a society that condones speaking about touchy subjects amongst one another. Segregation, stereotypes, and hatred for one another will never be fully understood or approached in a constructive, progressive manner without citizens communicating and being willing to offend the shit out of someone, and then not taking offense to it. Humor is a great start to get these things out on the table and forcing Americans to talk about the sensitive subjects, the “issues.” I think the video outlines this:

If Americans do not debate with each other (that means arguing) and really talk about the touchy subjects, then we’ll continue to have blacks in the ghetto, mexicans working in back of restaurants, and whites talking about the weather (Yes silly, these are stereotypes). If we don’t talk about this at work, dinner, or when we’re all relaxing, then beating the wife is the only resort to all this frustration. It is about time we put our differences on the table, shuffle them up, and then get down to business of fixing all that is fucked up in the world.

Until we all grow a pair, let’s keep rolling:

retard.jpg

And enjoy your chocolate milkshake.

chocolate-milkshake.jpg

Will Kerry’s endorsement of Obama make a difference?

January 10, 2008

Nope.

John Kerry
*cop sirens* BUST-ed.

Unless, he takes a few tips from the black man on how to really woo female voters.

obama wife
“Oh yea, come on over and ride the caucus of luvvvv baby…”

Hooray for the BSA!

January 9, 2008

Boy Scouts logo

Yesterday, 15-year old Mohammed Jaisham Ibrahim, wearing his blue scout uniform with a blue kerchief, was standing in the crowd to greet Maumoon Gayoom, the president of Maldives when all of a sudden his “Be Prepared” Boy Scout motto forced him to take necessary action against an attempt on the president’s life.

That’s right. Someone tried to kill this guy smiley:

Maumoon Gayoom
Who’d want to hurt this nice old man?

As the teen stood in the crowd he noticed something odd. There, near to the president was another man, 20-year old Mohamed Murshid, who carefully concealed a knife in the Maldivian flag as he awaited Gayoom’s arrival.

Jackal Knife
Okay, probably not this EXACT knife used, but you get the idea.

As Gayoom passed by, the assassin leapt from the crowd and lunged at the president’s stomach. Luckily, the quick-thinking Boy Scout reached out to grab the blade, cutting his hand in the process, but stopping what might have been a lethal blow to the president…and the Republic of Maldives.

Maumoon Gayoom
Mr. Gayoom, behind you! PSYCHE!! It’s only your wife. Or mistress. Or someone.

After the attack, Gayoom addressed his people, thanking the Scout and calling for calm among the nation. “We should not resort to violence even if we have differences between the parties,” Gayoom was quoted as saying.

What a nice little tale of bravery and heroism . . .

Gayoom and Saddam Hussein
Dictator High class reunion, circa 1980s.

Awww–now why’d you go have to ruin a wonderful, heart-warming story, huh?
Cause of this and this.

Oil hits $100 a barrel.

January 2, 2008

Holy shit~now it really is time to carpool!

This is how you save gas!
This is how you save gas!

This is how you REALLY save gas!
But this is how you REALLY save gas!