King of the Uglies

According to Travel and Leisure Philadelphia is America’s fugliest city. Finally a city of let downs and losing (i.e. Eagles and Phillies) comes out on top! I cannot see why such an award has been granted, because throughout history such handsome men have spawned from the depths of “brotherly love”…

(Electric in bed.)

(The Poster Child of Philly.)

(Puts the Jews of New York to shame with his Phabulous Philly blood.)

(Not related to Philly, except in looks.)

Just why did Philly receive such an award in the first place? One might hypothesis that at the root of this problem is Pennsylvania’s road system. With all those bumps and potholes the driver often suffers extensive facial damage from the dashboard’s repetitive beatings to the head. Or maybe the genetics of the ugly bums get passed on late at night like the genes of cats in alleyways.

Does Philly need to spay and neuter its bums or simply just a clean water system? What has caused this drastic mutation in the Birthplace of America as if zombies have suddenly overtaken and transformed a region’s entire collection of beautiful people? I regret to leave our dedicated readers without an answer to this bizarre quandary…but maybe perhaps, there is no answer at all.

So here is a salute to you Philth-adelphia, for not only giving us the “Philly Let Down” or “Philly Frustration” in sports, as well as the nation’s ugliest people, but for the least stylish, least active, least friendly, and least worldly natives of America. Thank You!


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2 Responses to “King of the Uglies”

  1. eddiebear Says:

    But you guys do know how to chuck batteries.

  2. eddiebear Says:

    ^I keed. I keed.

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