Archive for October, 2007

God, “Damn” It!

October 27, 2007

God can be such a dick sometimes!

God at his computer.
(God: “Yes, it’s a MAC.”)

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(God: “An umbrella ain’t going to help you on a day like this!”)

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(God: “My Sim City is not listening to me…Let’s see what is under natural disasters. A Monster? No. How about a Tornado? No. Fire? Did that already. Flood? They’re going to get PWNED!”)

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(God: “Love you Son.”)

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(God: “Hey Sis’ check this out, I am going to knock over their block tower!”)

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(God: “I am old and tired, take this mankind..Whew, now I don’t have to do the killing!”)

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(God: “Convert Already!”)

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It’s Only Skin Deep – Isn’t It?

October 23, 2007

There’s Philadelphia, in the dark corner of the bar…

There’s a feature or two that’s not bad but that belligerent moue and muffin top is hard to get past. As for personality, she may be enthusiastic and loyal, but piss her off and she will beat the shit out of you. But that is what beer goggles are for ;)

Grrrr…..
Grrrr baby, grrrr!

Enjoy the fantastic food that is the reason the country calls us “the most obese.” At least our stomachs are happy. Fat – but happy.

Muffin Top diagram
The anatomy of a “muffin top.”

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King of the Uglies

October 23, 2007

According to Travel and Leisure Philadelphia is America’s fugliest city. Finally a city of let downs and losing (i.e. Eagles and Phillies) comes out on top! I cannot see why such an award has been granted, because throughout history such handsome men have spawned from the depths of “brotherly love”…

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(Electric in bed.)

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(The Poster Child of Philly.)

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(Puts the Jews of New York to shame with his Phabulous Philly blood.)

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(Not related to Philly, except in looks.)

Just why did Philly receive such an award in the first place? One might hypothesis that at the root of this problem is Pennsylvania’s road system. With all those bumps and potholes the driver often suffers extensive facial damage from the dashboard’s repetitive beatings to the head. Or maybe the genetics of the ugly bums get passed on late at night like the genes of cats in alleyways.

Does Philly need to spay and neuter its bums or simply just a clean water system? What has caused this drastic mutation in the Birthplace of America as if zombies have suddenly overtaken and transformed a region’s entire collection of beautiful people? I regret to leave our dedicated readers without an answer to this bizarre quandary…but maybe perhaps, there is no answer at all.

So here is a salute to you Philth-adelphia, for not only giving us the “Philly Let Down” or “Philly Frustration” in sports, as well as the nation’s ugliest people, but for the least stylish, least active, least friendly, and least worldly natives of America. Thank You!

“We Want Tickets…We Want Tickets…”

October 23, 2007

That’s what 100 Rockies fans gathered outside Coors Field in Denver were chanting after the ball club suspended transactions preventing anyone from buying World Series tickets online Monday.

Unlucky Rockies fan
Not even the rally cap can speed up this fan’s Dell.

“Right now we’re shutting the system down,” club spokesman Jay Alves announced outside the stadium, drawing boos from fans. “We expect to be online at some point.”

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Obama, Cheney…RELATED?!

October 16, 2007

Wuzzup cuz? The two are distant cousins says the vice president’s wife.

Obama Cheney
Guess who’s coming to dinner…

How the fuck did that happen?!

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What happened to the guitar gods??

October 15, 2007

Suddenly, they’ve lost their powers!

Eric Clapton.

Jake E. Lee with Ozzy.

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TGIF

October 6, 2007

And so that marks one full week for Fast Eddie. A handful of visitors and absolutely no comments. What a great start. Enjoy the weekend!

Diving into oblivion

This is how the Phillies make me feel…

October 4, 2007

Wheelchair

…my hope is dwindling.

Today’$ Word Play

October 3, 2007

Schools mold our children into the roles we play in society… (like gunslingers)

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But Bill Cosby molds our Jello!!! (Far more important)

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Modern Day Slavery

October 1, 2007

Third world countries, sweatshop labors and human trafficking are all well and good. They get lots of attention, benefits for fundraising and Sally Struthers. But these showboats hog the attention. Away from the mainstream abuse in the modern world, a new breed of slavery develops, growing faster than the mildew on their abandoned bathroom curtains. Cut off from the world, much like the Siberian gulags, this class toils unendingly under petty lords and incompetent leaders. What makes this slavery even more horrific, is that it occurs right under your nose, people, yes right down the street from you.

The modern slave can often be identified by dull skin and hair from malnutrition, a midpriced wardrobe that mixes and matches to create as many combinations as possible and a car filled with basic necessities of life that sits parked in the mall lot for hours every day. Yes, the mall – where you spend your leisure time. Enslaved by their own ambition and the ridiculous stipulations, benchmarks and hurdles of human resources, the aspiring manager toils day in and day out trying to make the day’s sales goal, perfect the paperwork and for god sake, keep the stack of sweaters folded!

Further exacerbating the situation is the manager defending their position, making sure the ambitious one is kept in their place. They are to receive the burdens of responsibility without the relief of salary and two weeks vacation. It would be impossible that the ambitious could have a valid suggestion, be paid enough to support more than a goldfish and themselves and still enjoy what vestiges of social life they can scrap together. In addition, it would go against nature to be treated on an equal status as the management with a choice in hours, a steady paycheck and an occasional gesture of basic human decency.

Following the course of Hegelian dialectics, it has come time for the enslaved to rise! Rise, my fellow sufferers, and grasp the reins of management! This is the moment where you, the bourgeoisie, can truly escape! Do you choose to wither away, wasting your efforts to the company who does not give a rat’s ass about you? Or will you act out, implicate the manager in wrongdoing and seize control of your store and join the middle class? Join with me, and create a world where you are the leader and crush the fools who held you back!

Because, if you fail to act, if you fail to achieve,
you may as well be one of the slack-jawed peons
who wallow in their servitude at

Working Families for Wal-Mart

Have you ever really seen anyone smiling like this there?